For new coaches, coaching skills can sometimes feel awkward or “forced” in a coaching conversation. The good news is it won’t always be that way. Learning to coach is similar to learning a language. Eventually, the skills will be so fully integrated that they become a way of “being” in every relationship instead of something you “do” with your clients.
As a trained Co-Active Coach, you will naturally bring active listening, powerful coaching questions, intuition, and other skills to your coaching relationships.
Co-Active coaching skills can also be used outside the coaching space to deepen personal relationships through powerful questions. Moving deeper into any conversation can reveal what’s beneath the surface and create greater intimacy and connection for both parties.
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See the Person, Not the Problem
You have likely found yourself in conversations where the other person talks but doesn’t ask questions. The conversation feels flat and one-sided because it is! You do all the work, navigating topics by asking questions while the other person seems barely involved or invested. The other person may be quick to problem-solve or offer advice without curiosity or authentic engagement. They likely mean well, but it is as if you are a problem to solve rather than a fellow human with whom to connect.
Co-Active coaches are trained to see people fully and develop productive conversations, not just to solve problems. This is not because problem-solving is wrong but because it generally doesn’t build a relational connection. Powerful coaching questions inspire self-discovery, where the other person discovers their own solution.
For instance, perhaps you lament to a friend that you struggle to drink enough water, and she off-handedly suggests you buy a refillable water bottle. Would this be helpful? Would you feel seen and understood? Probably not. You know how to drink water. But you may not understand why you can’t seem to make yourself do it consistently.
Your friend could have approached the conversation by asking powerful questions like:
- What would be different if you were drinking enough water?
- In what other ways do you honor your health?
- What do you notice when you don’t drink enough water?
- This sounds important to you — why?
She could have even stated, “I can hear this is frustrating you.” Any of these approaches would deepen the connection and demonstrate an authentic interest in you.
Asking Powerful Coaching Questions Is an Art Form
New coaches often enthusiastically embrace the idea of asking powerful coaching questions and do so with rapid-fire delivery: “How does that make you feel? What’s important about that? Where do you feel that in your body?” This approach can make coaching feel more like an interrogation than a conversation. Instead, before bombarding your client with questions, pause to ask yourself a few insightful questions, like:
- What is not being said?
- What is my intuition telling me?
- What emotion am I sensing underneath their words?
Sit in the space of possibility with this person before tackling any problem. Stay where you are with this client for a moment and go deeper by asking powerful coaching questions rather than rushing to get somewhere. There will be plenty of time to move toward action later in the session or conversation.
Powerful Questions Start With Purposeful Listening
New coaches sometimes rely on a list of “go-to” questions or solutions disguised as questions, such as “Have you thought about…?” It can be tempting to depend on what has worked in the past. Meaningful conversation will develop better when thoughtful questions arise from the current situation. If you listen purposefully to what is said and unsaid, you can lean in further to ask rich questions.
Think of powerful coaching questions as a way to move deeper into the relationship. Each thought-provoking question can draw your client, partner, or friend closer to you. Said another way: the first question lets the other person know you’re listening; the next question lets them know you care.
Co-Active Training Institute has developed highly effective coaches and leaders for more than three decades. Our courses and bundles help learners become more adept at listening and communicating with purpose and depth, shaping coaches and business leaders to be more fully present and engaged in every facet of their lives.