Begin Your Journey

Let's create a new language of leadership, together!

For the last 30 years the Co-Active Training Institute (CTI) has been offering the gold-standard in coach training and leadership development for individuals and organizations. Now we are creating a new language of leadership. Let's do this together. 

The Power of Paradox | Embracing Contradictions for Growth

  • POSTED ON MAY 30, 2019
Leading the pack, ingenuity,standing out from the crowd concept.

“The world is perfect as it is, including my desire to change it” — Ram Dass

par•a•dox [par-uh-doks] Noun: A statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd, but which in reality expresses a possible truth.

po•lar•i•ty [poh-lar-i-tee] Noun: The state of having two opposite or contradictory tendencies, opinions, or aspectsThe universe, and everything in it, is a living, breathing paradox. Paradox is embedded in every moment; each time we say yes to one thing, we are saying no something else. Every step we take towards is also a step away. Every belief we hold, every truth we tell, disputes some other belief or possible truth.

We try to reconcile this dilemma with a balance; between safety and risk, between being and doing, between the “I” and the “we”. Yet despite our best efforts, that “just-right” sweet spot continues to elude, particularly as the world becomes more and more complex.

What if, instead of “either-or,” and “just-right,” we leaned into the “yes-and?” What if our capacity to fully experience the richness of each moment is a function of our ability to simultaneously hold both sides of a paradox? To see the beauty of a perfect rose, and know that it, like everything else in the physical world (including ourselves), is temporary. What if we saw seeming polarities as the yin and yang required to complete the circle, and the tension between them as a universal creative force?

Hardwired for Fear and Hardwired for Love

You are able to read these words because your ancestors were hardwired for fear; fear of a harsh, unforgiving environment, and fear of other humans whose intentions were not in their best interest. Paradoxically, you are able to read these words because they were also hardwired for love and belonging. Being part of the tribe was critical for survival. To be ostracized was almost certain death. So here we sit today, having inherited this dual nature; rife with hair-trigger fear responses, and a deep craving for love and belonging.

Awareness of this duality is the first step towards embracing it. Understanding that our paradoxical nature stems from thousands of years of evolution allows us to be tender and compassionate with ourselves. It allows us to recognize fear and love as essential (and beautiful) aspects of who we are.

The Brightest Light Casts the Deepest Shadow

If you were to ask your closest friends what they cherish most about you, and then ask what drives them a little crazy, the answer would be two sides of the same coin.

“What do I love most about her? She’s confident, articulate and isn’t afraid to speak her truth. What bugs me? She can come across as a bit arrogant, and she always has to be a part of the conversation.”

“What do I love most him? His kind and gentle nature. What bothers me? He’s a bit of a pushover.”

Masculine and Feminine

Masculine and feminine energies; simultaneously attracting and repelling, are forces that in concert, spark the creation of life itself. Consider that both live within each of us, and imagine the inner resources we might tap if we were to give them free reign to dance their dance.

Tools and Techniques for Embracing Paradox

Paradox is everywhere. We are always dancing with stillness and movement, freedom and responsibility, joy and pain, logic and imagination. There’s no easy formula for increasing our PQ (paradox intelligence quotient). That being said, here are a few ideas:

  • It starts with awareness. Keep a journal. Look for how and where paradox shows up in your life. Consider what might be possible if you held that it’s all true.
  • Create a visual representation (a collage, drawing or painting) that represents a key paradox in your life, and meditate on it regularly.
  • Write a poem about paradox and read it to yourself each morning.

Imagine a World…

Given that we are paradoxical beings living in a paradoxical world, what might be possible if we were to let go of the need to pick a side? How might we view the world and all of the creatures in it, if we were to acknowledge our own brilliance and our fallibility, our ability to be with uncertainty and our need to know, the perfection of the universe and the pain and suffering that exists on our planet today? How might we show up differently if we were to recognize and embrace that it is, in fact, all true?

This doesn’t mean refusing to act. It doesn’t mean standing by aimlessly and without direction. What it means is acting courageously and creating meaning or new direction. It means pushing forward even when there is resistance. Sometimes it even means saying “yes” when the rest of the world says “no.” Tell me, where could the power of paradox take you next?

Written By

Gina Paigen

Gina Paigen, PCC, CPCC, CNTC, Chief Impact Officer of ThirdWay Leadership, is a professional coach, consultant, and facilitator; passionate about guiding individuals, teams and organizations to a deeper sense of purpose, and to higher levels of creativity, engagement, and inspired action. She brings a wealth of diverse knowledge and experience in business development, leadership, strategic planning, culture building, creative studies, neuroscience, entrepreneurship and the arts. Gina's experience with a wide range of clients, from West African immigrants to World Bank executives, has given her a true appreciation for the value diversity can bring to an organization. Prior to taking the leap into talent development, Gina worked as a musician, photographer and stage designer, and then spent 17 years as CEO of a multi-million dollar historic restoration company which she built from the ground up with little more than a telephone and a box of business cards. As a business coach, she has inspired a myriad of other entrepreneurs, serving as a program designer, facilitator and mentor at the SUNY Buffalo Center for Entrepreneurial Leadership. Gina is a dynamic presenter and a TEDx speaker. She has been published in The Huffington Post and she has been a regular contributor to Transforum.

View Website

This website stores cookies on your computer. These cookies are used to collect information about how you interact with our website and allow us to remember you. We use this information in order to improve and customize your browsing experience and for analytics and metrics about our visitors both on this website and other media. To find out more about the cookies we use, see our Privacy Policy.

If you decline, your information won’t be tracked when you visit this website. A single cookie will be used in your browser to remember your preference not to be tracked.